Having written a blog post on What Women Really Want, I briefly touched on the sex side of things, and how making a female squirm with pleasure is far more than a physical act. Given the number of comments I received, it would seem you girls all agree. That’s all well and good but what about the act itself some of you asked? With this in mind, I decided to share some stray observations about sex that I have picked up over the last 15 years…
Perfect Sex: Ok, I might as well go in with the juggernaut and blow this theory apart, there really is no such thing as perfect sex, it’s an urban myth. The stuff we see in the movies is fake – and when I say movies I mean the Hollywood type, not porn (though thinking about it, the sex in those is even faker!). Sex in movies is smoldering, silent, serious and slow with medal-winning athletic stamina and gymnastic type positions; it is mutually climatic with a lot of eye gazing and straight faces to boot. The reality however is, that sex, is anything but perfect. Real sex is urgent, chaotic, slippery, messy, noisy and fun. It involves odd noises and even stranger faces. It gives and it takes. It is raw, real passion and that in itself is un-perfectly perfect.
Oral Sex: The truth is, a man who is willing to receive oral sex (what man isn’t?) yet doesn’t venture south of the hip bones himself, will be as selfish in his daily life as he is in his sexual one. Porn has led many men to believe they can just place their tongue down there and wait for the magic to happen – this is not the case. Oral sex for women can’t be rushed, otherwise let’s be honest, it resembles the tongue of a wet dog lapping at a water bowl, which definitely won’t do the trick, and will instead have us looking up at the ceiling wondering when the next episode of Mistresses is on. I guess it’s a skill that can take time and I’m sure men feel the same about getting head. When done properly though, having a man between your legs can be an amazing thing; a gesture of intimacy, pleasure and a minute (or hopefully 15) of utter bliss.
Excessive Stamina: Athletic endurance is massively overrated and actually not what us girls want at all (who bar Sting and his wife has time for tantric massage? We all have busy lives, so sometimes it’s best to just crack on). Sure anything less than 30 minutes will have us complaining, and it’s horribly disappointing if a guy blows his biscuits before we’ve even had a chance to get into the swing of it, but the phrase “too much of a good thing” definitely applies when it comes to marathon sex sessions. There aren’t many things in life, bar sleep, that I want to do for three hours or more, least of all lose all sensation down there, which is inevitable for us ladies if we are put through an endurance test whilst having sex. It’s all about the balance.
Fake Orgasms: Reportedly 96.4% of women in the western world do, quite regularly, throw out the odd moan of false pleasure as if contending for an Oscar, whilst only 7% of men clock the difference. A friend told me she once managed to fake it so well she actually made herself climax! Why do we do it? For one of two reasons really; either to make a man to feel better about his performance or because we just aren’t going to get there so might as well call it quits. I admit I have, at times, in a relationship, faked it not because I wasn’t enjoying the sex, but occasionally something as simple as a change in hormones or the fact we’ve stumbled home late at night and are both several drinks down means a grand finale just ain’t gonna happen and I’ve wanted to spare my partners feelings. It doesn’t mean its been a bad experience for me, I just know I’m not going to reach the finish line and as cumming represents the nuclear button in my sexual arsenal (when I cum, he is more likely to cum) then it wraps the whole thing up nicely without his disappointment. What surprises me however, is the number of girls who’ll fake it for a fling or one night stand. That I don’t get at all, yet during casual encounters 82% of women fake it, as the emotional intimacy is missing. Perhaps I’m lazy, but unless I really care about someones feelings quivering my legs and moaning for the hell of it just seems like too much effort. If I fake it then what hope has the guy got of getting it right next time around? And so the charade begins.
Sex Isn’t Just Sex: As much as we like to think we can have sex like a man and it mean nothing to us, sadly it’s just not that simple, our biology doesn’t allow it. Women are hardwired to know that even the briefest of sexual encounters can potentially lead to nine months of pregnancy followed by years of breastfeeding while a man can literally leave the scene minutes after the encounter with no biological investment. Sadly ladies, there’s no getting away from this one, emotions just play too big a role in our lives and our feelings will always get caught up in the mix.
The Best Sex: Ok, so sex can be exciting with someone you fancy, but the best sex is always with someone you love and I don’t mean this in a fluffy romantic way, it’s a proven fact which works both ways. Sex with someone we care about has the power to make us incredibly happy, confident and fulfilled. Sex with someone we barely know however, may momentarily increase our endorphins but it then leads to a crash and triggers the same sensation in our brain as fear and loneliness – not fun. If someone knows your body intimately, the likelihood of orgasm (and multiple ones at that) is far higher. The man your doing the deed with knows all the little things that turn you on rather than just taking pot shots at you with his three signature moves. With a partner we trust, our inhibitions vanish, so by naturally being more relaxed we can let lose and really go for it making sex more enjoyable for all contenders. Hormones also come into play at various points of the month for us girls too, so when and how we need sex changes. A man we’ve been sleeping with over an extended period of time, tunes into our pheromones so naturally knows how to give us what we need and when – be it hard, slow, fast or furious. Intimacy is what makes or breaks good sex for us girls as it’s a gesture of respect for us and our bodies.