Yeah, yeah I like my sport but I’m sure any man reading this will think I know nada and many of you girls won’t even want to know what I’m waffling on about, but I can’t help but feel Man United’s approach to this transfer window seems very much akin to how most students approach their dissertations.
You literally have the entire summer to work on your project and get all the paperwork submitted before the deadline. You make ambitious plans – and tell anyone and everyone who will listen about all your options and how your strategy is going to be a total game-changer.
The first week of July rolls around and you casually start looking into your workload and realise that actually it’s really, really hard, so you shut down your computer and just hang out with with your friends and enjoy the sunshine instead. If your superiors ask you how you’re getting on, you adamantly tell them not to worry and that you’re on top of things.
Suddenly, it’s the last day of the summer and you discover that your peers have already done all of their work whilst you’ve done absolutely naff all.
With the deadline looming just a few hours away, panic mode sets in so you inevitably decide to get drunk, hit the internet, send a few random emails, and desperately submit any old twaddle just to make sure you’ve got something against your name before the deadline.
The next day, you wake up with a banging headache – wander downstairs to see all your family are just staring at you in disbelief. Then it hit you.
Suddenly it all comes flashing back and you remember. You didn’t sign Bale, Muller or Pedro at all, you have in fact just blown £36 million on some French kid that even Wikipedia hasn’t heard of.
Yikes. Transfer day fail.